I’ve stopped trying to convince people—of anything.
Don’t get me wrong: we need to state our position, thoughts, opinions, needs and the like when appropriate or asked. After that, though? What the recipient does is out of our hands. Whether work or personal life, I’d recommend trying this on for size: stop trying to convince people. Instead, start stating and accepting.
We shouldn’t try and convince someone to sign our firm on. Instead, we make the case as to why we feel we’re the best choice. We live with, and respect, their choice. We move on to what needs to be done next.
We shouldn’t try and convince someone to eat healthier. Instead, we share why our healthy choices have led to a better life for ourselves. We live with, and respect, their choice. We move on to what needs to be done next.
We shouldn’t try and convince an applicant to join our company. Instead, we paint the clearest picture of the company and work culture as possible, and make a fair offer. We live with, and respect, their choice. We move on to what needs to be done next.
We shouldn’t try and convince someone to stay with us. We show them they matter, we listen to them, we try our best and we accept the outcome. We live with, and respect, their choice. We move on to what needs to be done next.
This isn’t a covert call to arms for apathy. Rather, it’s a call to respect oneself and the autonomy of the other.
Trying to convince someone, by going back to variants of our argument over and over again, is trying to control someone. It’s trying to control an outcome we cannot. It is at least fruitless, and at worst…. well, controlling. And sometimes a little desperate.
Instead, as leaders and wholly considerate people, we state our beliefs with respectful conviction. We make our case for what we think is best. Then, we live with the outcome, content in our behaviour and regard for autonomy, and move on to what needs to be done next.